Giving Birth

November 04, 2009 By: Pamela Wright Category: Living with Intention, Mind Body Spirit

I’m stripping – one fear at a time, one feeling at a time, one label, one tear. I’m stripped of each element of my person. Who is doing the stripping I can’t really say. Am I the perpetrator? Is this stripping societal, accidental, an act of God? All I know is it is happening whether I like it or not, regardless if I’m ready or not.

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Sara Davidson writes in her latest bestseller Leap! What Will We Do With the Rest of Our Lives? that this act – the “s” word – is “when the supports that prop up your identity are kicked away.” Now I understand intellectually that my identity is not truly who I AM. I know on a deeper level of being alive, I am not this body that isn’t as perfect as I may want or a mother who desperately loves her three children -the youngest having returned to college today. I don?t want to believe I am unemployed or worse, unemployable.

Stripped of all the titles I’ve borne (some loved, some not): mother, wife, ex-wife, cook, caregiver, grandmother, friend, employee, employer, lost soul – I give birth to myself. With permission to begin again, I am completely exposed, emotionally raw and open. These last, often arduous, inquiring and solo years have spurred me to a greater Self I hadn’t known. The slim passage entered today is as basic perhaps, as it was four years ago with the exclusion of all those identities I?d convinced myself were me.

In this 21st century all possibilities seem a mix of plausibility, the unconventional and the mysterious. Tentative as to how to proceed and yet knowing I cannot remain static, I am packing up most of my years and moving on. Like a gypsy ready for a new town, new vitality, new escapades I just go. Equal parts of uncertainty, trepidation and grief stow themselves in all the best hiding places – my heart, my memories, my past. I recognize without these soldiers of fear and passion, I cannot pay tribute to my history – my personal expression.

The subsequent and only choice to make this moment is straight through that solitary, narrow passage of sorrow, apprehension, change. This is the part of renewal where the sensation of aloneness is visceral. Yet I know when I move ahead -sometimes pushing yet never really alone- when I trust in something beyond myself, when I leap the net will appear. It always has. Part of me understands it always will.

~ Pamela Wright

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2 Comments to “Giving Birth”


  1. steve lange says:

    Hi Pam,

    So very true. I guess what you are saying is what we identify with is not our reality. Maybe something we once did or something we choose to cling to but our true nature is not that. Maybe its just consciousness alive in the present and that may be all that we have?

    Steve

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  2. eloquently spoken, steve. thank you.

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